Frustrations during surrogacy process

There are a lot of frustrations during the entire process of surrogacy. Unlike other situations in life where one can actually try and do something to deal with it, surrogacy process has too many variables which are beyond human control. 

Some possible points of frustration can be: 

  1. Choosing surrogacy – deciding on surrogacy as a way to create or expand your family can be sometimes difficult especially for women.  Social stigma around being unable to carry your own child still exists in some cultures.
  2. Distance – as an international IP, sitting far away from your surrogate, can be especially difficult. In the case where surrogacy is in a developed country, rules are clear. But not all countries offer the same level of legal cover. 
  3. Deciding on an agency – depending on which country you choose your surrogacy in, finding the right agency can be a difficult, time consuming and confusing task. In some countries, there are many agencies with almost no certifications or controls. This adds an additional element of risk, especially since large payments are involved. 
  4. Connecting with the right surrogate – in countries such as Ukraine, Colombia and the USA it is relatively easy to find a surrogate. However, in Canada, where surrogacy is strictly altruistic, it can take sometimes much longer to find someone. Many agencies in Canada also struggle with finding surrogates for their clients. Hence, when considering Canada as a surrogacy destination, it becomes even more important to connect with the right agency. 
  5. Creating embryos – this is contingent on many variables as well.  To name a few: your country of residence/nationality, whether you need an egg donor, country where you intend to take your surrogacy journey etc. 
  6. Transfer – After jumping through all those hoops, and finally waiting for that time when your surrogate can be finally pregnant! And you take that deep sigh! One of the most exasperating things that can happen at this stage is to find out that the embryo did not take. And your surrogate needs to go through a cycle all over again for the next transfer.
  7. Waiting – Finally comes the news that you have been waiting for – the positive pregnancy test! ?And then the real waiting starts ☺️. But this waiting is one of joy, and eventually having that little bundle of joy in your hands. ??‍?

The whole process is very long, and needs a lot of patience. And a lot of guidance and support along the way.
But there is definite light at the end of the tunnel! 

Stay calm and Stay positive.
Good Luck. And if you need advice, feel free to contact us.

Surrogacy in Colombia

The latest surrogacy destination

Since 2018, Colombia is fast becoming a friendly surrogacy destination for heterosexual and LGBTQ intended parents. The level of medical services are equivalent to those in the west. Moreover, laws are clearly defined and do not discriminate against any type of intended parents. Finally, costs are low compared to more advanced & experienced countries such as USA. 

Law – 

  • No surrogacy specific law, however no ban on surrogacy either, unlike some European countries
  • International intended parents can opt for surrogacy in Colombia, unlike Netherlands and UK, where it is limited to only nationals and legal residents
  • The Colombian constitution does not discriminate against any kind of couples, as long as one of them has a genetic link to the baby
  • The surrogate cannot use her own eggs, which means that traditional surrogacy is not an option
  • You can create your embryos in the country, as anonymous egg donors are also available
  • Surrogacy is altruistic, which means that only surrogate costs are reimbursed

Birth Certificate & passport – 

  • The birth certificate lists the surrogate and intended father as parents. The law recognizes the woman giving birth as the mother
  • A short legal procedure can remove the surrogate from this document
  • Since the child is born to a Colombian “mother”, (s)he is eligible for Colombian passport

Costs – 

  • Approximate ranges are between $ 59,000 to $ 65,000 but will depend on several factors

Things to be careful about

  • You will need to go via an agency, since most people speak only Spanish. Through the agency, you will be able to get a dedicated person to support you through the process
  • Unlike English speaking countries such as US & Canada, your contact with surrogates will be very limited 
  • For UK & Dutch citizens, it is not permitted to ship embryos to Colombia. The only way is to go and create embryos with the clinic in Columbia
  • As Dutch citizens, you will need to ensure that your egg donor is known (in the case you need one). As Dutch laws do not allow for anonymous donors as of yet. However, we do expect some sort of changes upcoming in the Dutch law
  • In the UK, the details of the donor is captured in the system, and the child (after the age of 18 years) has the right to know identifying information about the donor

Do your research well, before you decide on any country for such an important journey. The laws, the travel documents and the level of medical & ethical standards matter a lot.
If you do have any questions, please feel free to contact us.
good luck!

Surrogacy costs

Costs vary per country. During our journey we compared the costs between Canada and the USA. One of the reasons we did not deep dive into other countries was that most of them were at that time not aligned legally to Dutch or British laws. A few other countries were rejected by HFEA for shipping embryos to.
Therefore, our focus remained on USA and Canada.
Should you wish to have the detailed costs file, please download them below.

Costs-in-CanadaDownload
Costs-in-USADownload

Why choose surrogacy?

  • More and more couples are suffering from infertility. About 6% of married women aged 15 to 44 years in the United States are unable to get pregnant after one year of trying (infertility). Also, about 12% of women aged 15 to 44 years in the United States have difficulty getting pregnant or carrying a pregnancy to term. 
  • It is estimated that infertility affects 1 in 7 heterosexual couples in the UK.
  • 11% of women in the Netherlands, wanting to get pregnant still do not succeed after 24 months, while over 20% of women have had at least 1 miscarriage, abortion, or stillbirth. 
  • But issues with fertility and/or ability to carry a baby to full term is not the only reason people opt for surrogacy.
  • Having children through surrogacy is also becoming very popular in the LGBTQ community. Celebs like Neil Patrick Harris and Matt Bomer have helped bring surrogacy into global spotlight.
  • Some women are born with conditions that do not support pregnancy. Syndromes such as MRKH syndrome force women to look for surrogacy. 
  • Other personal reasons such as past trauma, or a difficult previous pregnancy can be some of the other reasons to opt for surrogacy. 

Whatever the reason, surrogacy is often the answer to years of suffering and frustration for a lot of people. There is no judgement attached to it.
It is a life changing decision for all parties. All factors should be taken into consideration before making such a commitment.

What if the surrogate decides to keep our baby?

First of all, it usually doesn’t happen. Globally, there has been very limited cases of such a situation actually happening.

The converse is also true as well. Very few intended parents will actually abandon a child that they so desperately have wanted. There are few far in-between cases. In both situations, the media tends to bring it too much attention.
These limited cases on either side tend to give surrogacy a bad name.
In reality, it is the best gift someone can give or receive. Millions of couples have benefited from the generosity of selfless women.

  • Most women who choose to be surrogates do it from the goodness of their heart. They genuinely feel for others who want to have a baby, but are unable to. Countries like Canada are altruistic, so it is not about the money for the surrogates. Most of these women already have completed their families. In several countries, one of the main requirements for a woman to be a surrogate is to already have at least one child of her own.
  • Also, in the case of gestational surrogacy, there is no genetic relationship to the surrogate. This also helps to remove any potential of a deep bond.
  • If you go through a reputable agency, one of their main jobs is to do a complete background check of the surrogate and her family. This helps to make sure that there are no major pitfalls of this or any other kind in the future. This is even more important when IPs are not from the same country as the surrogate.
  • In the USA, where commercial surrogacy is legal, there is an option for a pre-birth court order, where the parental authority of intended parents is established prior to the birth of the baby. This removes any potential fear for the parents. 
  • In the UK and the Netherlands however, there is no option for pre-birth order. The surrogate is the mother of the baby. And she has to sign a document after the birth giving full authority to the IPs.
  • However, we have heard recently that the laws are being reviewed and potentially changed in both countries. Which means that IPs will be recognized as the child’s legal parents from birth. This will remove the major “hurdle” of calling surrogates as “mothers”.
  • In the worst case scenario, where the cases have gone to court, the courts have ruled in the favor of the IPs, factoring in the intent of the surrogacy agreement. This has been the case even in countries such as UK, Netherlands and Canada where the agreement is not enforceable by law.

In essence, there is really no major reason to worry. Going through a good and reputable agency helps to take care of this. Going independently will mean that as IPs, you will need to be more careful and cautious.

Some useful news items –

Steps for surrogacy

1.      Research

Start with a good research in countries that allow for surrogacy. In addition to Canada, many countries such as Ukraine, Russia, and Czech Republic are open for surrogacy for foreign intended parents. Most of the countries have several agencies that offer surrogacy consultancy and services. You can find more details on how to find a good agency and what to be careful here.

2.      Type of surrogacy

Depending on your situation, identify whether traditional or gestational surrogacy is right for you. Several factors play a part in making this decision, as well as on the whole process and stages that follow afterwards. You can find more details here, to help in decision making.

3.      Financial impact

Assess the costs for a journey in different countries. It is advisable to asses a surrogacy location (country) on the basis of –

  • Strength of legislative power, which means how much protection the country’s law offers towards surrogacy
  • Costs of surrogacy, and the fees for surrogates, compared to the altruistic nature of surrogacy in some countries
  • Success rates, which refers to the success guarantee programs that some countries offer.

Developing countries such as Mexico, Guatemala, and Kenya are cheap, but are usually unregulated, with surrogacy operating in “grey” area of the law. On the other hand, USA has clear law guidelines for surrogacy, however can be very expensive. In the USA, it can cost anywhere from $ 95,000 to $ 150,000 (depending on the state). Canada and some European countries such as UK and Netherlands offer altruistic surrogacy. We have an itemized table available for several countries. Please leave your details below requesting this itemized table.

4.      Define the journey

Decide on whether you want to go via an agency or carry an independent journey. Independent journey or a private surrogacy is done without an agency, only with a lawyer and fertility clinic. Usually, a private surrogacy is relatively cheaper vs. surrogacy via an agency. There can be however many pitfalls going independently, with first time intended parents might not be fully aware of. In such cases, agencies are a good option to explore.

5.      Creating embryos

Embryos are created from the eggs and sperm of the intended parents, through an IVF procedure. Mature eggs are retrieved from ovaries, and are fertilized by a sperm in a clinical environment. The fertilized embryo is either frozen for a future transfer or is directly transferred into the uterus. In some cases, embryos are created through either donor eggs or sperm. More information on donation can be found here.

6.      Finding a surrogate

Finding a surrogate is not easy, depending on the country you are looking to carry out a surrogacy. The easiest way to find a surrogate in countries such as USA, Canada, Mexico, Columbia etc. is through an agency. The agencies have the responsibility of finding and managing the surrogate on behalf of the intended parents. Agency fees are expensive in most countries, however, they take over the responsibility of the whole process of surrogacy. The intended parents are provided full support and guidance along the way.

Finding a surrogate independently is possible via online sites and groups. Some sites for finding surrogates are “Find Surrogate Mother” and “Surrogate Finder”

7.      Create a contract

A contract is created between the Intended parents and the surrogate. This is carried out by lawyers of each party. This is to ensure that the rights and wishes of both parties are taken into account. Although in some countries, a contract cannot be legally enforced, it creates the contract intent in the eyes of law.

8.      Pregnancy confirmed!

A frozen or a fresh embryo is transferred to surrogate. Ten to 15 days after the transfer, a blood test is performed to confirm pregnancy. The test is for bHCG (Beta HCG) tests the blood for   Beta-Human Chorionic Gonadotropin levels. A negative bHCG means No Pregnancy. A very high bHCG could mean twins. A few days after the first test, another test is carried to ensure that the pregnancy is proceeding well.

9.      Welcome your baby!

The full term of a baby is usually 38 weeks. But sometimes babies come before the planned time. Create two delivery plans, one for early delivery (in the case you are unable to reach on-time) and one for a timely delivery. The plan includes inputs from the intended parents, surrogates, and the hospital. The plans also includes information about who will be in the room during delivery, who will cut the umbilical cord, who will hold the baby first, and other such detailed concerns and wishes of both surrogate and intended parents. For a list of prospective items on this plan, please contact us via the form below.

10.  Taking your baby back to your country

Taking your baby home is a special process and experience. Depending on the country, the laws and procedures are different and require dedicated legal support from both countries (your country and the country of surrogacy). You can read all about it in detail here.

For international parents, it is often the case that they have long international flights. With a newborn, it is a very delicate process. There are many things to consider and take into account. More information on travelling with a newborn can be found below:

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Factors to consider while choosing between Traditional and Gestational surrogacy

Traditional Surrogacy (TS)

In this case, the surrogate mother is genetically related to the baby, as her eggs are used to create the embryo. In most cases, the medical procedure used is intrauterine (IU).

Gestational surrogacy (GS)

The surrogate mother has no genetic/ biological relation to the embryo. This is the most common type of surrogacy globally. It is also the most popular in Canada, and the USA. Embryos are either created using the biological material of intended parents. Also, in some cases, couples need to use egg or sperm donors, especially in the case of Gay and/or Lesbian parents.

  • Egg Donor: It is not always easy to find egg donors in many countries. Laws are different regarding anonymity of egg donation.
  • Wait time: many surrogates prefer gestational surrogacy, as it is emotionally less complicated. Intended parents who are looking for TS, can expect to wait longer, to be able to find a willing surrogate. Although it is not impossible, as TS is also preferable for some surrogates, because there is limited use of medicines.  IVF creation is an additional process, which increased the time for embryo transfer. Depending on the country, wait times for creating embryos can also be longer. For example, creating embryos through the NHS can mean longer waiting times, compared to going privately. Same is the case in other countries such as Netherlands, and Germany. In the Netherlands, there is no private option, so factor the wait time as well. If you are in Germany, you have several options for creating embryos privately.
  • Costs: TS tends to be cheaper than GS. IVF (the process of creating embryos) can be costly, depending on the country they are being created. Shipping of embryos from your country to country of surrogacy will add extra costs. Average shipping costs from UK or a European country to the Americas (USA, Canada, Latin America), can be around Euro 3,000/ USD 3,500/GBP 2,600. Some countries no longer allow shipping of embryos to other regions. For example, Netherlands does not allow embryo shipment to the Americas. Or some countries might need additional certifications or governmental approvals. All of these can add costs.
  • Legality: Depending on your country of your residence, laws may treat traditional surrogacy different from gestational surrogacy. In some US states, the surrogate is considered to be the mother, and the parents need to adopt the baby, to obtain parental rights. These additional steps are not needed for gestational surrogacy, as in the US, parentage is established through a pre-birth order. This is limited to the USA. Some countries do not accept pre-birth order, and as such, the process remains the same in both cases (TS & GS).

Independent Journey vs Journey via an Agency

Independent Journey

This means that you will be able to find a surrogate on your own, and do not use an agent. It might be possible to find independent surrogates in the USA and Canada, through multiple social media groups openly and freely available for intended parents.

Benefits

  • Costs is the main benefit of going independent. Depending on the country, agencies can charge up to EUR 13,000 / USD 15,000 / GBP 11,000.
  • These are usually ideal in the case where the surrogate is already well-known to the intended parents, such as a family member or a close friend. These journeys are therefore more common in European countries such as UK and the Netherlands, where there are no commercial agencies helping to connect with a surrogate.
  • Also allows more control over the whole process for both intended parents and the surrogate. This is especially preferable for people who like being in charge.

Agency Journey

In such a case, you will sign up with an agency, who will take care of several activities both on the intended parents and surrogate’s behalf. Some key benefits of an agency are listed below.

Benefits

  • Finding, and vetting a surrogate
    • Finding a surrogate is one of the hardest tasks. Usually agencies have a network of surrogates who are affiliated with them. Which makes it easier for intended parents to connect with surrogates, sooner. Also, some surrogates are already experienced, and are aware of the processes and procedures involved in the entire journey.
    • The agencies also take care of vetting a surrogate, especially if she is a first timer. There can be chances of fraud, especially if intended parents are not in the same country as the surrogate. Vetting process include – mental and physical screening, her personal situation, her family and the suitability of her home.
  • Supporting clinical visits and the entire pregnancy process
    • During the entire process, the surrogate will need to visit clinics and hospitals several times, from the time of her initial review of her physical health, right up to the time of delivery.
    • This includes providing emotional support, regular oversight about the whole pregnancy and sorting any issues during the entire journey between intended parents and the surrogate.
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How to find a surrogate mother?

There are not many ways to find a surrogate in most countries. Some options per some countries is as below:

  • Global: If you want a global approach, you can refer to websites “Surrogate Finder” and “Find Surrogate Mother”.  You can create your profiles and post it on the site. You can contact surrogates here if you are paid members to these sites. 
  • United States: Surrogacy in the USA began nearly 35 years ago. You can go via agencies here or choose to go independently. There are many leading agencies in all major states. Finding surrogates on an independent journey is not difficult in the USA. There are many Facebook groups for Independent US Surrogate, which you can join and post your profile. However, be careful to check if the laws for your country meet the law of the state you are considering the surrogacy in. Some states are more surrogacy friendly than others, and some states prefer heterosexual couples for surrogacy. In general, surrogacy friendly states are – California, Illinois, Arkansas, Maryland, Washington D.C., Oregon, and New Hampshire, New Jersey and Washington State. Surrogacy in the USA is commercial, and therefore, it tends to be more expensive than some other developed countries that offer altruistic surrogacy.
  • Canada: Allows only altruistic surrogacy and commercial surrogacy is a criminal offence. It has now become a global destination for intended parents that are looking for relatively low-cost surrogacy with safe laws and good healthcare system. It is also popular for gay parents as the laws do not discriminate against sexual orientation.
  • Columbia: Since 2015, Columbia is fast becoming a surrogacy destination. It is a post-birth order country, unlike the USA. The laws also do not discriminate against straight or gay parents. Equal rights also extend to foreign parents, as per the constitution. In Columbia, it is best advised to go via some agencies, as you can face some language issues, dealing with surrogates, clinics as well as other related issues.
  • India: surrogacy in India is only permitted for citizens and residents of the country. Since 2015, it has been banned for foreign nationals.
  • Czech Republic: It is not regulated, but generally tolerated as per law. The name of the parents are put on the birth certificate. In Czech Republic, surrogacy is usually carried out through clinics that have associated agencies that can help arrange the surrogacy journey.
  • Netherlands: Altruistic surrogacy only is permissible. However, in Netherlands there are no open surrogates available. Only if someone within your family, and/or friends is able to help you, then there is perhaps a possibility. Further, there is no support from hospitals and fertility clinics are not equipped to handle surrogacy. Only a handful of cases are helped annually in the Netherlands. Most of these cases include gay couples, and exceptional cases such as cancer survivors without a womb, women born without a uterus, a tilted uterus etc.
  • France, Germany, Ireland, Iceland, Spain: all kind of surrogacy is illegal.
  • Ukraine & Russia: Commercial surrogacy is legal. The name of the intended parents go on the birth certificate. Heterosexual couples are preferred, however there is no ban against gay or single parents.
  • United Kingdom: Altruistic surrogacy is possible in the UK. There are no agencies available in the UK, however there are some match-making companies that do so altruistically charging small membership fees. Some of these sites are – COTS and SurrogacyUK. There are also several Facebook groups for UK surrogacy where you might be able to find local UK surrogates. Surrogacy is only allowed for UK nationals and residents. https://www.surrogacy.org.uk/  (COTS) https://surrogacyuk.org/  (SurrogacyUK)

Surrogate qualifications to consider in an independent journey

Going independent usually helps to save money for expensive agency costs. There are several online sites and social media groups where you will be able to find independent surrogates. However, remember that some women, who are interested in being a surrogate, might not be fully qualified to be a surrogate. An established agency is able to review surrogate qualifications and carry out a full screening of their background. Below are the “basic” requirements for women to qualify as a surrogate –

  1. Wants to be a surrogate for the right reasons
  2. Age of the surrogate depends on the country, but most clinics prefer women to be between 21-45 years of age
  3. Should have given birth to at least one child, which was mostly without any complications
  4. Has a healthy BMI. This depends on the country is most cases
  5. Has a responsible and healthy lifestyle, is herself a non-smoker, and lives in a non-smoking environment
  6. Family is on-board with her decision to be a surrogate, and is willing to support her through the journey
  7. Has a stable home environment
  8. Should be willing to undergo a medical and psychological assessment
  9. No history of any kind of mental illness
  10. Lives in a surrogate friendly country (as per your country’s laws). Sometimes, it might be possible for the surrogate to travel to a close-by state, which might be surrogate friendly. Remember that travel is risky in later stages of pregnancy.